


A Taste of Finer Things to Come

by DownOnThePharm



Series: Fully Functional [2]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Crack Pairing, First Kiss, M/M, Mechanoid romance, Rare Pairings, Robot Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 08:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16489070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownOnThePharm/pseuds/DownOnThePharm
Summary: A social visit to theNova 5results in a shift in Kryten’s relationship with Butler.Mechs need love, too!





	A Taste of Finer Things to Come

“Gentlemen, would you like a glass of wine? I have a cheeky little Estonian red blend I recently salvaged on a derelict. I find that Estonian reds are, unfortunately, rather underrated compared to the fruit wines and spirits that were more common to the region. In my experience, they’re quite rich and complex, with a delightful terroir.” As he spoke, Butler uncorked a bottle and poured four glasses of ruby-red wine, then proffered a fresh lager to Lister. The Dwarfers were enjoying another pleasant evening of Butler’s hospitality aboard the _Nova 3_. Butler was always an attentive, engaging host who prided himself on making all his guests feel comfortable. As Lister liked to say, he was “like a new and improved version of Legion, now with seventy-nine percent less homicidal nuttery.”

Kryten was hopelessly besotted.

Of course, he tried never to let on that he was harboring a crush of galactic proportions on the older mech. It wouldn’t do for Mr. Cat or Mr. Rimmer to learn of his feelings, he thought, as he’d probably never hear the end of the mockery. He didn’t even want his beloved Mr. Lister to know, as the Scouser would undoubtedly drive him batty with unwanted love advice and harebrained schemes for getting a relationship off the ground. No - better to pine after Butler in peace, he’d decided. It was becoming progressively more difficult to hide his emotions, however. _Thank Silicon Heaven that we aren’t equipped with mind-reading capabilities,_ he thought.

“Kryten?” Butler’s smooth voice startled Kryten out of his reverie. “What do you think of the wine? Your connoisseur chip is a significant upgrade over my own. I’m quite interested to hear what you make of this brash little offering.”

Kryten generally didn’t drink wine, as he much preferred Holly’s android homebrew. Wanting to please Butler and forestall any teasing from his crewmates, however, he opted to wing it. He swirled the wine in his glass, as he’d often seen Mr. Rimmer do, admired its color for a moment, then sipped it while pretending to study a Flemish hand-woven tapestry adorning the nearby wall. 

Butler asked again, “What do you think?”

“It’s quite a lovely wine-red color,” Kryten began. “It’s also rather... winey. Winey and fruity. Yes, definitely. Very nice.” Appalled by the stupidity of his own words even as they left his lips, he engaged Shame Mode, kicking himself mentally for looking like such a classless boor.

Butler cocked his head slightly, regarding Kryten thoughtfully. “Interesting. Thank you, Kryten. Gentlemen, please, let me draw your attention to our meal proper. Now, all these dishes have been made with different salts. Salt, as you may know, is an epicure’s delight, and each type of salt lends its own intriguing characteristics to foods.”

Kryten furtively glanced around at the other Dwarfers as Butler spoke. His crewmates didn’t appear to notice that his evaluation of the wine had been more shallow than Mr. Cat’s personality. Even Mr. Rimmer, who fancied himself a bit of a wine snob, hadn’t so much as flared an amused nostril in his direction. As it dawned on him that Butler had deliberately drawn the others’ attention to the food to minimize his embarrassment, a warm glow suffused his circuits. _Does he care for me?_ he wondered. _It certainly seems as though he was protecting me._ Had he been capable of blushing, he could easily have stood in for Starbug’s red alert bulb at that moment.

After the meal, Butler rose, and, smiling at his guests, announced, “I’ve prepared a selection of desserts and digestifs in the drawing room. Please, gentlemen, feel free to make your way there and help yourselves. I’ll join you in a few moments.” As Kryten stood, Butler placed a hand lightly on his shoulder, asking, “Kryten, may I have a word?” Kryten, struck speechless at the physical contact, could only nod. 

Once the others had gone, Butler commented, “I suspect that you aren’t given much of an opportunity to utilize your lovely connoisseur chip on _Red Dwarf_ , as your companions are witty and entertaining, but not particularly refined.”

“No,” agreed Kryten. “They really aren’t. Even Mr. Rimmer, who is of an artistic bent and had a classical education, isn’t terribly cultured, although he would have everyone believe he’s a proper gentleman.”

Butler, eyes crinkling in amusement, replied, “Ah, yes. Your hologram is a bit of a pompous poseur, I must say.” As Kryten snickered at his sly observation, Butler faced him. “Would you be interested in spending more time with me here?”

Kryten stared at him. “What are you asking?”

Butler replied, “I would welcome the opportunity to introduce you to the finer things in life, Kryten. You’re so much more than a domestic mechanoid.” He took Kryten’s hands in his own. “Please, let me help you realize your full potential.”

Flustered, Kryten stammered, “But, the others...”

“Oh, I’m not asking you to desert your crew, of course. I would never demand that of you. I’m simply offering you my... friendship. What say you?”

Blue eyes wide, Kryten gaped at Butler for what seemed like eons, then finally managed to find his voice. “I believe I would greatly enjoy that.”

“Excellent.” Butler squeezed Kryten’s hands. “Now, a brief lesson in the taste of wine.”

Kryten eyed him in confusion. “The taste of wine?”

“Yes.” Butler picked up a half-full glass and took a sip.

“Shouldn’t I have my own glass?” Kryten asked.

“No need,” purred Butler. “There is more than one method of sampling wines. Let me demonstrate.” Stepping forward, he closed the gap between them, murmuring, “Now, a taste of things to come,” as he gently pressed his lips to Kryten’s.


End file.
